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Leaving

So, I am almost gone from Chicago. For the upteenth time I'll be departing this city and I honestly still don't know how I feel.
Being here was like being back, but I know that I am in another place and another time in my life, I know that I am slowly easing forward toward something bigger than even this. I know that if I do come back in a year: time, or whenever, nothing will be as it was as everything will be different. We're all moving toward something, and those somethings aren't always in the same direction. There will be no re-capturing the past or re-making old times. There will only be creating the future, one day at a time.
So, the answer isn't in the city, but within me. Where I want to be, what I want to be doing, who I want to be with--those things can't be decided in one weekend. But, they can be thought on, and I can start to wonder--I have to start to wonder, because there is a lot I want to do and my life is always moving forward, every day a day down until the last. It's time to get thinking. And deciding. And doing.
And, making sure I am ready for when things change, because they always change.

Things I will miss about Chicago:
Public transit.
The restaurants.
GrubHub.
Downtown.
My friends.
The Red Eye.
The weather.
Walking--everywhere!

Things I won't miss:
The never-ending construction on the L.
People feeling the need to chat me up on the street.
The random sewer smells and air conditioned parking garages (they smell weird, y'all).
That one Old Navy.

It was really nice to be back. To get to see Chetara and behave like we used to, go to her house and order desert from GrubHub. To get the opportunity to catch up with Nicolette after so many years. To have a wonderful lunch courtesy of the wonderful Michelle. To sit in the parks and to grab tea at Argo or a sandwich from Potbelly. To enjoy a breakfast at Ann Sather again--I LOVE that place. 100% recommended. To get to feel like I was here again, doing this again, and doing well--even if I never did so well to begin with, at least I felt like I was BACK.
And now I have to go back, back to Oklahoma and live there, in moderate comfort, until I make the decision and move. Move where? It's probably going to be up in the air for a little while, but I'll figure it out. And when I do, I'll make a new home, yet again.
:)

Don't Know When I'll be Back Again.

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