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My Mother Always Asks...

How Do You Eat an Elephant?

Today was Thanksgiving. I am sure if you're in America and not currently in a coma, you didn't need me to tell you. Well, I needed somebody to tell me, because I have forgotten pretty much everything this week. Like, everything.
I forgot that I had an exam over cardio in my A&P class. Didn't even GET to study for it. Well, that's my own fault, isn't it?
I forgot my brother's birthday, on November the sixth. Actually only remembered it was November today. Happy belated birthday, Brother. See you at your wedding, the RSVP to which I forgot to mail. 
I also forgot that I was having dinner with his new wife, my sister, mother, aunt, and cousin. Completely didn't even register until I was at home, in my pajamas, already fed and someone texted me inquiring after my absence. (Sister of the year award, anyone?)
I forgot about Thanksgiving, obviously, and only remembered earlier this week when I realized I was working on another Federal holiday--what's new?
And I forgot that Pie was dead, because my mom's gotten a new dog who looks almost just like her in the face, and when she turns her head one way and I am only kind of paying attention to what I am seeing, I could almost swear Pie is there. And then I remember that I'm still very sad about that.
I've just been...forgetful. Of people's feelings, of work ethic, of my love for medicine.
Maybe I'm just tired.
Until last week, I worked six days a week for about three months. You can imagine how I might start feeling burnt out, exhausted, and brain dead. And I do. Luckily, we had a schedule change, and miraculously, it's working in my favor--on THIS day. Things are getting better, and I am finally getting more rest. Life is okay.
We've had a lot of hot returns and bad patients. I don't have any desire to talk about it, though. Crack downs at work about these sorts of things, and the sheer quantity of patients I've seen in the last few months...no desire whatsoever. Sorry, people who actually want to hear about medicine and things. I can only talk about things now.
Scrub tech starts in January. I am so stoked to be back in the OR, I can't wait. Obviously day one of school won't be OR related--directly, anyway--but, I am one step closer, and I just can't wait.
Been thinking about a lot of things recently, lots of things to hash out. There are so many things I want to do with my time on Earth, it's almost enough to make a girl stand still and panic--which is what I've basically done for, oh, six years.... I gotta take a step forward to do these things I am so passionate about doing (not passionate enough, though, maybe?) but I need to figure out which step it is. Because there are like fifty. Million. And five.
But, I am thinking about it, which I guess it progress in itself--if progress is sitting on the couch watching every episode of The Walking Dead with commentaries, just because I've seen each episode three times now on their own and the commentary adds something new.
This is my life, guys. How exciting.
But, yeah, thinking. And starting to line things up to actually DO. Maybe I'll get to cross a few things off a list or two before the end of next year. 
Now I just feel pathetic. Thanks for reading, and here's hoping you also don't find this post pathetic.
I've had a glass of wine and turkey. Add to that a twelve hour shift and another one tomorrow, and you get one tired EMT. I'll try to write more in the future. Looking at getting some much needed Internets and my apartment, so hopefully I will actually keep that promise to try.
We'll see.
(sorry that this post sucks.)

One Bite at a Time

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