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Help!

Somehow, I got to the restaurant before Chetara did. In fact, I seem to have gotten here before she even left her house. What I'm saying is, it could easily be another thirty minutes until she gets here, and I've been here thirty minutes already. Where ARE you, woman?!
The waitstaff is polite about it and I honesty don't mind. See, Chetara is my best friend on this planet. I would probably not only help her hide the body, but I might actually help commit the murder. If sister's going to jail, I'm a-goin' too.
Chetara is also my best friend that lives in Chicago, which leads to this segway--I'M IN CHICAGO. And I feel like I never left. And I feel like I want to move back here.
For the past three years, I have tred to write Chicago off as a been-there, done-that city. Never to return but to vacay, I said; but, of course, I have missed it. Missed it and it's people. But, I also know I tend to romanticize the past and I love to get nostalgic, when a lot of bad things went down here. Mostly, I went down, and hard--twice. But, I want it to be like it was, only better. I want to be friends with people I haven't seen in years; I want to feel like I am home and feel like I belong and feel like I always wanted to when I lived here last: a successful city dweller. Part of me is desperate for that and believes I can achieve it here. The rest of me is certain nothing will ever be as it was or should have been and I should move on.
I can be all those things in Seattle. In Boston. And, I fear if I come to Chicago and can have the connections to those people again, that I will stay here forever and regret not going to Seattle or Boston or both.
So, I have to ask myself--what do I do?! Where would I be happy? What factors are important in my decision? Do I chose to be with friends or do I chose solely based on academia. I am going to go to college anyway, and each city has seriously good schools. I am going to be a doctor anyway--hopefully--and each city has wonderful medical schools and residency programs. And, after undergrad, I can always move away...if I will want to. So, what do I do? How do I make that choice? How do I decide to be happy with what I chose and what I have? How do I make a decision and live with it?
Does every adult have this issue? Are we all the same? And is Chicago the safe option? Am I proving my insanity by trying the same thing over and over again, even though I keep failing?
Would it be any different anywhere else?
I am, after all, going to be the same person, no matter where I am. So, does it really matter?
Help.


When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help along the way. 

But Now I'm Older.

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