That Bloody Girl

I may be a little too blunt. You know, I never thought I was that...blatant before I started work in EMS. But now I can definitely see that I really am just brutally honest. Even what I consider fairly minimal on the blunt scale, my partner tends to find shocking. Hilarious, but shocking. A lot of people view me as a "bitch" because of this. I say what I mean and I don't have regrets. People treat honesty as if it is unkind, but I disagree. Being completely honest, especially with a patient, I think shows a level of respect you just don't get from grazing over the details or using your special "grandma voice". You know the voice. That high-pitched, just-slightly-more-adult-than-baby-talk voice. I hate that voice. I think people should know the facts, be spoken to as if they are adults, hear all their options, and get a straight answer. Surely, even the most ridiculous 911-dialer deserves this. I've been told I need a filter. I've been told I need ...

So...hi. I can't sleep. And after all that yelling I did at my neighbor about staying quiet so I can get some rest. Damn. This week has been awful. Really, truly awful. No good, horrible, terrible, really bad week. Ugh. First the birthday. Then a fight with Nancy. Then a bad, bad shift I still wish I hadn't taken. Then a drive to Tahlequah to fix my relationship with Nancy, which led to deep, super emotional conversation. While needed and so appreciated, it's very draining stuff. But, we're good, and that's a win, and I'm holding on tight to my wins during this no good, really awful week. So then I drove home and left Nancy and John to nap--well, first I forgot my wallet in their car and they had to deliver it to me at the gas station so I could, you know, buy gas. And when I got home, I proceeded to antagonize a fight between me and Chetara. Fuck me. Because, I'm really actually very mad about the birthday thing. Really truly awfully mad. So, we fought....

So, I had an excellent update started yesterday all ready to go when a call dropped. Naturally, my phone lost the entry when I clicked off and now I've forgotten all the clever crap I wrote. Thus is life. Anyway. YESTERDAY BLEW. It was horrible. All day just sucked. First, Tuesday night, I got into a pretty huge fight with my best friend of five years, who--by the way--HAS CANCER. How horrible am I, to be so mad at someone, all the while she fights for her life? I really am that awful. This is what happened: Sunday was my birthday. Not a big huge deal, just another day really, but still I should expect a little love coming my way--or, at least, this is how normal people perceive birthdays. Well, she didn't call. She didn't message. She didn't even send out a two word text message. No word from her at all. And me, I didn't even really notice until around six when I was driving home from my mom's. It hit me pretty hard, and honestly, I was so angry I coul...

Two updates in two days. I must be on a roll. So, they guy? We're talking again, albeit in short, staccato bursts when he has service. Apparently I'm not the only solitude craving introvert in this relationship. Although, I wouldn't really call him highly introverted either. Maybe he's an introvert who is highly skilled in the life style of an extrovert? Why am I talking about this ? Anyway, we're talking, and every time I ask an important-to-the-relationship (and thus, important to me) question, his phone magically goes out of service. Coincidence, or sign that I am barking up the wrong cell tower? I'm worried, because he has pretty much broken two dates on me already. Yes, the first was an excellent excuse, and I gave him that one. But, I have yet to hear  an excuse for why I didn't see him before he left like he told me I would. I wonder if maybe the dates were crossed, or he moved up the trip, or some scheduling thing. But, then I don't wonder ...

Well...here I am: twenty-four. Yay me. I've survived twenty-four years on this planet. Here's to surviving one more. I asked off of work today, which, considering how much yesterday sucked, was a good idea. For some reason, every person we ran on yesterday was...well, they were just nasty .  First, we had a wonderful-way-to-start-the-day case: the guy with chronic back pain, out of meds, wants drungs now please, oh, and also, I can't hold my bladder for anything. So here's to seven am urine, all over my cot. Awesome. Then, we ran the wonderful call of the day: low income housing, very sick man on hospice, falls and rolls around in his own fecal matter for twelve hours before someone notices he's down. Forget possible infection, we're talking the last infection he may ever know. Antibiotics, now. No, no wait, dude doesn't think he needs a doctor to get those. Plus, he takes super good care  of himself. *headdesk* We were there for two hours. My par...

It's been a long week. Well, I only worked 68 hours, so, I guess I can't complain too much. But, I definitely said "hooray for the weekend," when we finally got off around 1300. I have two whole days--TWO DAYS--that I don't know what I am going to do with. What should I do? Well...tomorrow I am having a meal on Bonnie to celebrate my 24th. So, that's something. Twenty-four. I can rent cars and my insurance premium goes down. ...awesome. Is it bad that, like holidays, my birthday has just become "another day"? I think that's probably bad. Anyway, a couple of funny things. First, a true conversation I had earlier yesterday, and--I think--a wonderful little piece of irony. We, naturally, got a late call. A freaking mile from corporate, so no amount of trucks coming 10-8 could take it off our hands. Luckily, the people who found the patient noticed he was "stiff", so we figured at least we wouldn't be walking into a full cardiac arrest...

Me? I did nothing for the Fourth. It was excellent. I hope your's was too. This is going to be long. But, I guess I have a lot of nonsense built up. So, hang in there. There hasn't been A LOT going on in my life recently. Work, work, work, work, etc. And more work tomorrow!!! I need the money, the experience, the money. So, I work. But, today! I am not working. Today, I am sitting at Starbucks in Utica Square enjoying a frivolous latte and poking at the New York Times. It's supposed to be relaxing and easy and fun, but really, I am wondering when I am going to get bored. Thanks to the blogs of other, more interesting people, I haven't become bored yet, but I can feel it creeping in. Yesterday, I sat and I watched an entire thirteen episode season of Drop Dead Diva. Why this show, I don't know. I went in looking for last season of Rookie Blue (Rookie Blue, I love you!!!), but Target couldn't be bothered to carry it, so I looked around for alternatives an...

My neighbors are going TO DIE. Okay, so they aren't playing music after ten anymore (for now), but other than that, the police had no affect on them. Apparently, they are the victims here, people. The world is out to get them and their little band, too. And, anyway, NO ONE works on Sundays, so who cares if we make noise tonight?! How do I know this? Because, I heard them talking about it. Out on the stoop by my bedroom. All. Night. Long. Bitches gonna die. I should have gotten up and told them to shut up, but they knew I was there, they were doing it to piss me off. So, I played queen in the land of passive aggressive and took to clearing my throat every time they came out and got a little loud. And, luckily they took the hint...for about three hours. So, I got about four hours of real, true sleep. I guess it could be worse. Except, of course, that I do have to work on Sundays. My whole body hurts. Maybe from lack of sleep. Probably because I started yoga last night. Ugh. 800m...