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I May Not Be the Youngest I've Ever Been

Two updates in two days. I must be on a roll.

So, they guy? We're talking again, albeit in short, staccato bursts when he has service. Apparently I'm not the only solitude craving introvert in this relationship. Although, I wouldn't really call him highly introverted either. Maybe he's an introvert who is highly skilled in the life style of an extrovert? Why am I talking about this? Anyway, we're talking, and every time I ask an important-to-the-relationship (and thus, important to me) question, his phone magically goes out of service. Coincidence, or sign that I am barking up the wrong cell tower? I'm worried, because he has pretty much broken two dates on me already. Yes, the first was an excellent excuse, and I gave him that one. But, I have yet to hear an excuse for why I didn't see him before he left like he told me I would. I wonder if maybe the dates were crossed, or he moved up the trip, or some scheduling thing. But, then I don't wonder that either. Because, you think he would have told me, but he didn't talk to me at all the day before he left. I can't imagine what that means for me.
What I am really thinking is this: he likes me, but mostly because I like him, and it's fun for him to have someone like me interested, for one reason or another. I know he likes me, when we're together, I can tell. But, then I can't know anything for sure, and I wonder if things are just in my head. I know he has some things that he is cautious about, I know he has some history, but is caution really all it is? I can't help but think he just isn't that into me, especially when I bring up hanging out again--that allusive first date. I can't help but think it's not ever going to happen. Because, I can't help but think that his interest is just a reflection of my change of heart, and really he doesn't like me at all. And, I need to know. I need to know if he's not into it or me or whatever. I need to know, because I don't have the patience to care for someone who doesn't feel the same. So, I wish he would just tell me.
Why can't dating be easy? And why do we have to fall for the people we least expect? And why do I have to be a whiny, girly sack of annoying?
The mysteries of the universe....

Okay, this isn't a blog about boys, so I am moving on.
The day wasn't bad. It was long, but it is always a good time with Bonnie. Until it isn't anymore. (Dun dun dun!)
We ran a woman from Hillcrest Women's to Bailey's because she was too large to fit in their MRI. Just what we needed, a pregnant, non-English speaking, 500 pound woman with MRSA. Yeah. Apparently, she'd been for an MRI last week, but Hillcrest needed a redo? Also, she spoke perfect English. And she probably could have gone via personal vehicle. Whatever. We just take them.
The day wasn't highly eventful. Like I said, long. But, it's over and now I am sitting in the coffee house, listening to a mediocre band, talking to you (FIVE) people. 
I was in Hillcrest today--I KNOW, HILLCREST, UGH--talking to a para student doing his internship. We talked about work, mostly, but I mention how much I wanted to be back in the hospital. Once again I was told a PCT is the same thing as an EMT-B, but again, the hospital doesn't see it that way. Anyway, lately I haven't been so unhappy at my job. I don't know what the deal is, but I'm starting to remember why I liked it in the first place. And, the thing is, it's a super simple answer: patient care. I started to realize that, every time I was angry or down, if we ran a call and I interacted with the patient, I felt better. I mean, I know I love patient care, I've known that for as long as I have been doing this job, but I didn't realize it was what really changed my mood. And it changes it pretty drastically. I'm still fairly sarcastic and ornery, even after, but I feel better. I don't know, I think it's cool.
Shitty day? More patients, please. Heh.

Well, that's all folks. I'm off tomorrow, so Bonnie and I are hitting the team meeting early and then finding something to do after. I work on Wednesday--exciting! Not. The boy is supposed to be home sometime around Wednesday or Thursday. Hopefully he answers my question by then, or I may have to dispose of him and my feelings. I'm strong like that.

But I'm Younger Than I'll Ever Be Again.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMonday, 16 July, 2012

    Sorry to hear you are having a tough time with the boy. Boys are idiots and girls are evil. It's usually that simple. Things work out for the best mostly. To quote from SKOW "I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than be with someone for the wrong ones." I'm rather cynical and jaded about such things so take what I say about relationships with a grain of salt.

    Consider being a PCT/Tech in a big Level 1 trauma center you'll learn tons and get to network with surgeons. The pay is probably better and just think you're cool in the summer and warm in the winter. There ARE advantages to being a house cat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Skeleton_FriendThursday, 19 July, 2012

      I have considered it, but I don't really want to pay for the certification right now. I'm pretty focused on just getting through the next year, and then when I move I think I will probably reconsider becoming a PCT. I DO love the hospital. Always have and probably always will. But, I have a hard time believing I'll get to network all the much with doctors when I'll just be the lowly PCT. But, it's definitely something I've considered, and rubbing elbows with surgeons has always been a reason to go for it.
      And, don't worry, nothing you said about relationships was any more cynical than anything I've ever said--and I'm the twenty-four year old with little experience. WHO'S the jaded one NOW? ;)

      Delete

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