That Bloody Girl

Alright, fine. I'll update. I am supposed to be studying. But, then, you know, who cares? No surgery for me today. The hospital I am at this week had an extremely light schedule, so I took the opportunity to have a day off from working two jobs (and getting paid for one) and am letting my legs rest while working out my brain. By working out, I mean taking it for a slow jog. It's not really intense. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you guys something: I think I am happy. Like, actually. Happy with who I am; happy with where I am in my life; happy with where I am headed and the speed at which I am getting there. I feel like I've settled into the comfortable zone of mid-twenty-something with opportunity and options and all the ability in the world. I am confident and sure. I have a clear path that I am wandering down, and though it isn't necessarily straight or lit up or always crystal, it's laid out in front of me and feel at peace. I'm, like, happy. All w...

Brace yourselves, because I just had the most radical idea: What if we treated other humans as if they were actual humans? I know, it's crazy. I am so sick of the platitude that goes around the health care world; the platitude that you should treat your patients as if they are a member of your family. "Treat them how you would want your mother to be treated." Or your grandmother; or your son; or your sibling; or whatever. How about we stop justifying our love for our patients by saying, "I just think, what if you were my (insert relative here)"? I mean, what is with this American culture of ours that we can't be kind without reason, that we can't show courtesy without receprocation, that we can't love without classifying it first? How about we treat patients with love, courtesy, and respect because they are our patients? Because they, too, are humans. And how about we take this idea and utilize it in every aspect of our lives, not just at work ...

Hey! You! Yeah, you! Hi. It's been a while. It's been a long while. You know why? I've been working and going to school and taking call and generally spending all my free time sleeping and/or catching up on house work (which is actually kind of a new thing for me, if you rememeber). So, I haven't updated. But, here I am! Updating. You're welcome. Or, I am, I am anyway. My doc upped me to sixty mg/day and gave me a script for Valium. I know. Terrifying. I've had it now for six weeks and I am doing surprisingly well on a daily basis, although some days I am much more depressed than I would like to be, it's probably not as bad as it would be without the drug. I started out taking the Valium a few times a week, but about three weeks in I just stopped needing it. I took a little last night (about 2.5 mgs) because I had a big exam that consisted of three parts. I aced it across the board. I probably didn't need the drugs at all. I gues...

So...met my psychiatrist today. He wasn't Doctor Melfi, but he was nice. A little arrogant. Hey, what psychiatrist isn't? Seriously, I think arrogance 101 is part of their residency training. Anyway, he's nice and confident and his office has a very, very nice view. Plus, I'll probably see him fifteen minutes once every month/six weeks. So, yeah. The only thing that was weird was that he sat at his desk and typed up pretty much everything I said. I'm glad he's taking notes, but what happened to note pads and quiet nods and "mhmm"s and eye contact? He did make some eye contact and he did have to urge me on a few times, but you know, it's hard to think about what I am telling you over the sound of you typing up everything I'm telling you. Maybe he never learned shorthand in medical school. Anyway, it's not a big deal.  What is a big deal is that I went at all. I've basically been in denial for most of my life about my "psych...

Hello one, hello all. It has been a good week. In fact, it's kind of been a good couple of weeks. I was able to raise my microbiology grade up to a 94%, which is good enough for me. I managed to make perfect scores on the last chapter test as well as on the final. Which means an A for me. Which means I am no longer suicidal/homicidal. Okay, I never was, really, but it sure did freak me out. I don't do well with Bs. I'm better than Bs. This is what I tell myself anyway. So, today I am rewarding myself for an admirable effort and am having a mocha from my favorite coffee house. Yes, that's right, I'm drinking coffee again. I stopped because it was expensive and because I thought it was linked to some sort of insomnia issue--mainly not being able to fall asleep for a while after I've laid down. Well, this week I decided to test that out and ended up drinking approximately 1/2 - 1 cup a day and only had an issue the day I drank it after five. So, I thi...

For a short week, it's been a long week. Firstly, I have a respiratory thing going, which is just super. I can't really do much about it, so I am rolling with the punches. I've upped my allergy meds, which I had to do in the fall too thanks to this wonderful state. I hate this wonderful state. I am also restocked on Nyquil cough, which I only take at night. It's nice, because it has an added antihistamine and it also nudges me to sleep and keeps me asleep for six hours straight. It's pretty neat stuff. I don't take it frequently, but I did use it a little this winter when the cold would irritate my asthma and I would wake coughing in the middle of the night. Monday night I woke up coughing from allergy irritation, so the Nyquil comes back into my life. And, also, the help with the sleep! That's really the best reason. Secondly, I had a microbiology test yesterday and today I have a pharmacology test. I'm kind of stressing about these courses, which ...

Wow. Okay, now it HAS been a while. Nearly a month. Clearly I have not died, I am just very busy. And it looks like that isn't going to change any time soon. I have yet to decide if that is a blessing or a curse, but it sure is nice to be getting paid and to be working in health care again. There is this wonderful thing about health care, the thing that truly drives me to want to spend my life in medicine--you can spend your whole day, maybe your whole career doing something that is seemingly meaningless and unimportant in the overall scheme of things, but knowing that something you did or said left the patient feeling comforted and that maybe, when they wake up or head home, they are going to remember that thing or that moment and feel that warmth again, knowing that you have done that for someone or even MIGHT have left that impression makes everything else worth it. And it makes me happy. Like, truly, actually, lastingly happy. I honestly don't know why anyone gets high. Ju...