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Oh Boy, It's Over

I have too much to talk about and not enough opportunity. So, here's what's happening right now:

Surgical technology school is back on. In fact, apparently, it was never off. I was told it was off, on many occasions  by the people who run the enrollment. But, as it turns out, it was never off.
Yesterday, I helped Bonnie start working toward becoming a PA. She went to a very...unusual university right out of high school because her very fundamentalist parents requested she did and she really wasn't sure what else to do. So, she has this bachelors from, basically, a missionary school in, basically, home ec. As you can imagine, the community college in town and, ultimately, the university that runs the PA program she is interested in, won't take any of her credits from what has clearly been defined as a joke of a university. Well, unless you want to be a missionary or a pastor, in which case, I guess it's your place. More power to you, but Bonnie doesn't want to be either. She wants to be a PA. So, that transcript is up in flames--probably literally, at this point. That's how useless she found her education. (Home ec, people!) And now she basically gets to start from scratch, in her mid-thirties, and the idea is probably very daunting for her. But, we're going to get her through it. It's an opportunity to finally get a degree from a good university, in whatever major she is interested in, and ultimately, she'll have the chance to be a PA, which is something she'd really love. So, it's all worth it.
Well, in the process of talking to her and helping her with all of her paperwork and figuring out how to be a college student again, we started talking about how I didn't know what I was going to do once I got to Seattle. And, honestly, that idea terrifies me. As much as I would love to just pack up and go, I would be worried sick that I wouldn't be able to find a place to live, or to work, or make any money, and eventually I would die in the streets. Or worse, have to come home to Oklahoma for a third time. I think I would actually have to hurt myself or something, just to prevent that from happening. Essentially, I want to move but I also have the strong need to BE SUCCESSFUL. And I am afraid I can't. What if I pick up and move and I am stuck there wasting away my savings and I CAN'T. Exactly.
So, we're talking about that and I am mentioning surg tech school again, maybe picking it up in Seattle and figuring out how to do it there, just so I can feel secure. But I have no information and the idea, thinking about something that isn't happening for ages, is daunting. The whole moving again thing is daunting, but I kind of have to. My heart can't take much more of Oklahoma, you know?
When I left Bonnie yesterday, I was running through all the options in my head, not really able to focus on any of them. I headed home and then I headed up to my mom's house to check on the place while she is out of town and to steal her internet. And on her kitchen table was a package for me from the technical school about my surgical technology orientation on the 28th of August. What?!
Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt all night last night until I finally got a hold of somebody over in the office who told me, yes, I am still on the list, despite what I had been told in the past, and if I show up in two weeks and fill out my paperwork, I will be enrolled in the program. So, really, the only thing left to do--other than everything--was to decide if I was up for it.
I think I am up for it.
I think I am going to go back to the idea I had before the whole orientation debacle in April, which was that I would take A&P this semester and work my ass off to save as much money as I could, then I would go part time at work--I have to, to make this work--and do the year of surg tech. Once I graduate with my license, get a job at one of the major hospitals in town and work for six months straight--I might take the classes I ended up dropping this semester, I may not--and THEN move to Seattle, experience and license in hand, get a job at Haborview or another UW affiliated hospital and FEEL STABLE. Which, apparently, is important to me.
Then, once I am there with a job in my hands and an apartment I can actually afford, thanks to said job, I can start school there and finally get that damn undergrad degree. You know, the one I need to get into medical school.
So, I guess that's it. I guess that's about how it'll go, with some room for some balancing acts and some unexpected moments. I'll get my surgical technologist license and I will spend the next few years of undergrad in the OR. IN. THE. OR. What more could a girl want? Seriously, nothing else. 
Give me surgery or give me death, because nothing makes me happier than surgery.
It's interesting, this universe we live in. Very interesting.

You Got Me--You Shot Me Right Between the Eyes

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