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Diving In

The Words That Throw Me

 “Come now,
come
 and mourn me. 
It’s so easy
now I’m gone.”

The rain has made the lawns like swamps
and has left my heart hoping for more.
Walking through the yard has become
like trudging through mud,
grass is  ankle deep and growing
with the increase of precipitation.
The only things I want are
to feel more at home in this suburban wilderness
and to not have to shake mudded water from my feet.
I miss the smell of concrete and steam,
the sound of sirens past midnight,
the jolt of trains stopping and going,
moving across the tracks with rough sparks
and no         hesitation.
I miss the people who made that city my home.
I miss their energy, their honesty,
the feeling that we were true friends—
despite all the [fake ones] we encountered.
And I miss being able to laugh without needing to,
without having to smile to keep my spirits lifted.
The coffee, the cold air, the coats, the strolls,
the train rides from no reason, the adventures
that were ours.
People think I am strong, because it’s raining
and I smile.

What they can’t see are my hollowed-out insides,
and that I am happy just to not be sad.

 06/28/2007

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