Introspection in the Shower

SLAM

I can’t decide if this is an apology.

You were ambitious,

I give you credit for that.

So much more ambitious than

I ever thought, but you lacked

confidence, in yourself.

There was never the belief

in your heart that you could ever be

more than a barista—

a struggling artist

living in the coffee shop on words

you never could get right.

You thought it was romantic,

that the lifestyle suited you,

but I don’t think you knew much

about yourself.

If I could sit down with you

in those cafes you always inhabited,

where you wrote in angst, anger

forming your words for no reason

if only that it was an emotion

you knew how to express.

If I could say to you, I would,

that we are different.

I am not who you were;

most of you died in the formation of me.

I do, I want to be sorry,

but I don’t think that I am.

Because, I didn’t like you,

and I grew up believing

I never could.

I don’t know who I am now,

Or where in this life I am going.

I have some ideas, but ideas

aren’t concrete answers to soothe

the anxious questions I have

about What I Am.

What I know is that,

I like myself,

much more than I like you.

For that, I guess,

I am sorry.

You deserved love.

Least of all from yourself.

05/23/2014

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