That Bloody Girl

I started off this morning with bacon. That makes for a good day. Worked with one of my favorite paras today, and not only did he bring me bacon this morning, we only ran two calls. One was a transfer. All is well with the world. On this day. After having extensive conversations with a couple of the people around here--all of them friends of mine and required to be supportive--it appears people might actually want to read my book. Well, two people anyway. And my mom...she'd probably read it. That's success, there, folks. So, I am thinking hard about it again. I have most of the plot flushed out, but the characters not so much. I think I need to work on that to really get a grasp of who they are as people. I think that if I can understand everyone to the best of my ability, I won't get held up on so many of the little things that always seem to hold me up. Excluding, of course, laziness and procrastination. I don't know what to do about those things--except maybe st...

Well, here I am, sitting in a university sports complex, waiting around to get paid to watch a basketball game. How nice for me. That's a pretty cool thing about EMS, that we basically get paid to be around. Our entire job is to be there, in case of emergency. So, sometimes, we just hang out. And get overtime pay for it, too. Win-win, people. That's what they call a win-win. So, here's another useless post. I posted last night, posted the night before--see, I told you I would get back on the wagon, or whatever they call it in this instance. For some reason, all of the terminology I have on that sort of thing seems to have come from AA. Well, AA in the movies and television, anyway. I don't know what they say in the real AA. Probably some depressing shit, though. Probably nothing I want to hear. So, I am working on some writing project again. Kind of like I said I would several months ago. Ha. We'll see how far I get this time. Maybe I can actually commit to somethin...

So, I bought an iPad. I'm now one of those people. Who those people are, I don't know, but I am one of them. Welcome to the present, or whatever. The thing is, the laptop I was--so kindly and sweetly--given by my friend Nancy (hi Nancy! I miss you!) doesn't have a word processer and the sound is all messed up--probably my doing, fucking up the speakers or something. Anyway, its ancient as it is, and I need a new intrument by which to operate, so iPad I bought. I can blog, facebook, tweet, watch Hulu and Netflix, AND I can write on it, which is sort of why I actually kind of made the ridiculous purchase. Because I like to write. And I miss it. And I couldn't do it so well for a while because all of the computers ever that I have ever owned are knackered. Just fucking knackered.  So, now I have an iPad. I'm looking at the brightside of this purchase, because, as happy as I am about the device, I am unhappy about the money. Always, always unhappy about the mon...

How Do You Eat an Elephant? Today was Thanksgiving. I am sure if you're in America and not currently in a coma, you didn't need me to tell you. Well, I needed somebody to tell me, because I have forgotten pretty much everything this week. Like, everything. I forgot that I had an exam over cardio in my A&P class. Didn't even GET to study for it. Well, that's my own fault, isn't it? I forgot my brother's birthday, on November the sixth. Actually only remembered it was November today. Happy belated birthday, Brother. See you at your wedding, the RSVP to which I forgot to mail.  I also forgot that I was having dinner with his new wife, my sister, mother, aunt, and cousin. Completely didn't even register until I was at home, in my pajamas, already fed and someone texted me inquiring after my absence. (Sister of the year award, anyone?) I forgot about Thanksgiving, obviously, and only remembered earlier this week when I realized I was working on a...

My dog died yesterday. I don't really have much to say about it, except that I am intensely sad she is gone. She was an incredible dog who lived a very good, happy, table-scrap-filled life. She did her job well and pretty much kept the family together after it came crashing down a few times. Everyone who met her loved her, even if she wasn't so keen on them--and, you know, sometimes she was a bit of a bitch. She was nine-and-a-half.  A while ago she was diagnosed with mitral valve regurgitation secondary to a congenital defect in her heart. Because of this condition, she suffered from CHF and lived well for a while on drugs. She was happy 'til her last day. She loved being outside, if only to lay in the sunlight, and enjoyed hunting small animals in the backyard. Tuesday night she couldn't catch her breath. She was using every muscle in her body to move air in and out and she looked very tired and very scared. She died of heart failure at the animal hospital the ...

Sorry I haven't been around, but a lot has been going on, and I'll probably be keeping this brief. I moved. I am no longer in the apartment in Brady Heights, but have instead relocated to a little neighborhood near Cherry Street where the floors are nicer and bugs stay outside. It's a good thing, and I think I will be a lot happier there, with more light and a little skyline view. Plus I will be on the second story, so I can open windows and whathaveyou. We moved all of the furniture today, which didn't include my bed. We decided to leave that behind. Partly because it was cheap and wasn't really made to move over and over and thus was kind of falling apart, but mostly because when we took it apart, the entire underside was crawling with roaches. Roaches, mind you, that I did not bring into that apartment, but that decided they really liked my cheap-o bed frame and decided to move in with me. Awesome. So, no bed frame. Everything else came out of it fairly unsc...

:/ So, I was going to update yesterday when I was at my mom's using her free internet, but I really didn't have the energy. In fact, I haven't had the energy for a while. I DON'T have the energy right now. But, I DO have the internet, so I am doing it anyway. Watching season one of Scrubs again. What can I say, I needed something goofy in my life. So, here's an embarrassing topic--I'm kind of a slob. And, because I work more days than I am home and more hours in those days than I have time to do everything I don't want to do ON TOP of those things that I want to do much more, I basically don't clean. It's horrifying. Well, I mean, it's not as bad as MOST of the houses I have been in while working EMS calls, but if I ever needed an ambulance, even if I was dying, I would crawl outside instead of letting them into my shame. It's kind of that bad. And, it's really embarrassing to even be talking about it in a public forum, but, fuck...

I was pretty sure when the government took almost all of my money last tax season, that I had paid my loans off, but last week I got a letter stating that I couldn't start the financial aid process because I was in default on one or more loans. Ugh. My mom got the letter, read it to me over the phone, and subsequently tossed it--albeit accidentally--so I had to find out how to take care of it without any information directly in front of me. No internet, no working iPhone, no letter. Today, I finally got the time to look up the number and sit on the phone waiting for an operator. When he answered and I spouted off all of the information about me ever, he simply told me, "you're paid in full." What? No, they sent me a letter; told me I couldn't get aid; told me I was in default. "Looks like you made a payment in February of (some amount in the 600s)." Yeah, I thought so. You know, since I only got about $200 of that fairly large--for me--tax return....

Yesterday I took the day off and pretty much just hung out with my mom. She wanted to attend a meeting for people suffering from facial pain and trigeminal neuralgia and hear about a new treatment that's not so hard on the liver. That was interesting, seeing how the nerves in the face and neck work and why people have TN. I actually think the procedure might work, although we won't know until she tries. Hell, it may even work for my pain/headaches/back issues. On the way to the meeting, we made up a budget for me for the rest of the year. It isn't so bad, I left a little in there for some creature comforts I still want every week and I should be saving plenty, if I can just stick to the plan. That's always the issue with me. I never stick to the plan. I get bored or tired or stubborn and I just don't want to bother anymore, so I don't. And that's when I go back to spending outrageously and saving nothing and wondering why I can't seem to keep any mone...

I think my body tried to kill me. I mean, seriously, what happens when you are overworked and under-slept and that sinus problem you can't shake is getting worse but you don't think you have anymore chances to call-in at work? Your body tries to kill you. And it hurts. And it's messy--which is really a lot worse than the hurts part. I mean, ouch is ouch, but there are some things you never want to experience or you might have to kill yourself. Yeah, my body tried to kill me. But, I am not going to kill myself, because I didn't let it get that  bad. I drew the line at "ambulance", even though deep, deep down inside I wanted one. I wanted to call 911. But, then, I AM 911, so the whole idea was a little humiliating. Instead, Bonnie drove me in her personal vehicle to the ED at St. John and I proceeded to save my own life, since my body had turned on me. Apparently, I am  overworked and under-slept and what I really needed was not a new antibiotic or a bag ...

I have too much to talk about and not enough opportunity. So, here's what's happening right now: Surgical technology school is back on. In fact, apparently, it was never off. I was told  it was off, on many occasions  by the people who run the enrollment. But, as it turns out, it was never off. Yesterday, I helped Bonnie start working toward becoming a PA. She went to a very...unusual university right out of high school because her very fundamentalist parents requested she did and she really wasn't sure what else to do. So, she has this bachelors from, basically, a missionary school in, basically, home ec. As you can imagine, the community college in town and, ultimately, the university that runs the PA program she is interested in, won't take any of her credits from what has clearly been defined as a joke of a university. Well, unless you want to be a missionary or a pastor, in which case, I guess it's your place. More power to you, but Bonnie doesn't wa...

I need a hug. Not because anything has happened or because I am sad or whatever. I am just craving human contact. Some personal attention. A fucking warm, comforting hug. I'm lonely. I'm not sad today--today is a good day. I actually had a good week, for as long as it was. Worked with some wonderful people who I truly enjoy being stuck on a truck with, that made things so much better. I kind of got the day off on Sunday, and got to hang around corporate getting paid to watch Dexter. What gets better than that? I did run a little around the hospitals, and I did have to drive a firefighter home and then turn back around because the same crew that ran the code he assisted on, left their BP cuffs on scene and the fire captain picked them up. Other than that, I didn't do much, and it was good. Today is my day off this week. Bonnie is back, so after two shifts on HPC tomorrow and Thursday, I'll be back with Bonnie on our regular shift. Two weeks from to...

Haven't been around for a while--sorry about that. Lots to talk about though. First: yesterday the grass fires were so nuts, half the sky above the city was smoke and it was raining ash in the north suburbs and near corporate. In fact, there was ash on my car when I went EOS last night. The fire moved into the next county and we had to begin mutual aid to assist with some nursing home evacuations. Several of our trucks are down today because so many of our people are volunteers in the areas the fire was burning, so they were either evacuating or fighting it all night. Boomer, who lives out there, went home early yesterday to evacuate his home and then spent most of the night fighting it with the service in his town. He's okay, so's his house and his stuff--and his guns, which we know are very important to him--and is hopefully sleeping soundly. Luckily, last night, we got our first real storm of the season. It poured. At first the wind picked up and it started to dri...

I may be a little too blunt. You know, I never thought I was that...blatant before I started work in EMS. But now I can definitely see that I really am just brutally honest. Even what I consider fairly minimal on the blunt scale, my partner tends to find shocking. Hilarious, but shocking. A lot of people view me as a "bitch" because of this. I say what I mean and I don't have regrets. People treat honesty as if it is unkind, but I disagree. Being completely honest, especially with a patient, I think shows a level of respect you just don't get from grazing over the details or using your special "grandma voice". You know the voice. That high-pitched, just-slightly-more-adult-than-baby-talk voice. I hate that voice. I think people should know the facts, be spoken to as if they are adults, hear all their options, and get a straight answer. Surely, even the most ridiculous 911-dialer deserves this. I've been told I need a filter. I've been told I need ...

So...hi. I can't sleep. And after all that yelling I did at my neighbor about staying quiet so I can get some rest. Damn. This week has been awful. Really, truly awful. No good, horrible, terrible, really bad week. Ugh. First the birthday. Then a fight with Nancy. Then a bad, bad shift I still wish I hadn't taken. Then a drive to Tahlequah to fix my relationship with Nancy, which led to deep, super emotional conversation. While needed and so appreciated, it's very draining stuff. But, we're good, and that's a win, and I'm holding on tight to my wins during this no good, really awful week. So then I drove home and left Nancy and John to nap--well, first I forgot my wallet in their car and they had to deliver it to me at the gas station so I could, you know, buy gas. And when I got home, I proceeded to antagonize a fight between me and Chetara. Fuck me. Because, I'm really actually very mad about the birthday thing. Really truly awfully mad. So, we fought....

So, I had an excellent update started yesterday all ready to go when a call dropped. Naturally, my phone lost the entry when I clicked off and now I've forgotten all the clever crap I wrote. Thus is life. Anyway. YESTERDAY BLEW. It was horrible. All day just sucked. First, Tuesday night, I got into a pretty huge fight with my best friend of five years, who--by the way--HAS CANCER. How horrible am I, to be so mad at someone, all the while she fights for her life? I really am that awful. This is what happened: Sunday was my birthday. Not a big huge deal, just another day really, but still I should expect a little love coming my way--or, at least, this is how normal people perceive birthdays. Well, she didn't call. She didn't message. She didn't even send out a two word text message. No word from her at all. And me, I didn't even really notice until around six when I was driving home from my mom's. It hit me pretty hard, and honestly, I was so angry I coul...

Two updates in two days. I must be on a roll. So, they guy? We're talking again, albeit in short, staccato bursts when he has service. Apparently I'm not the only solitude craving introvert in this relationship. Although, I wouldn't really call him highly introverted either. Maybe he's an introvert who is highly skilled in the life style of an extrovert? Why am I talking about this ? Anyway, we're talking, and every time I ask an important-to-the-relationship (and thus, important to me) question, his phone magically goes out of service. Coincidence, or sign that I am barking up the wrong cell tower? I'm worried, because he has pretty much broken two dates on me already. Yes, the first was an excellent excuse, and I gave him that one. But, I have yet to hear  an excuse for why I didn't see him before he left like he told me I would. I wonder if maybe the dates were crossed, or he moved up the trip, or some scheduling thing. But, then I don't wonder ...

Well...here I am: twenty-four. Yay me. I've survived twenty-four years on this planet. Here's to surviving one more. I asked off of work today, which, considering how much yesterday sucked, was a good idea. For some reason, every person we ran on yesterday was...well, they were just nasty .  First, we had a wonderful-way-to-start-the-day case: the guy with chronic back pain, out of meds, wants drungs now please, oh, and also, I can't hold my bladder for anything. So here's to seven am urine, all over my cot. Awesome. Then, we ran the wonderful call of the day: low income housing, very sick man on hospice, falls and rolls around in his own fecal matter for twelve hours before someone notices he's down. Forget possible infection, we're talking the last infection he may ever know. Antibiotics, now. No, no wait, dude doesn't think he needs a doctor to get those. Plus, he takes super good care  of himself. *headdesk* We were there for two hours. My par...

It's been a long week. Well, I only worked 68 hours, so, I guess I can't complain too much. But, I definitely said "hooray for the weekend," when we finally got off around 1300. I have two whole days--TWO DAYS--that I don't know what I am going to do with. What should I do? Well...tomorrow I am having a meal on Bonnie to celebrate my 24th. So, that's something. Twenty-four. I can rent cars and my insurance premium goes down. ...awesome. Is it bad that, like holidays, my birthday has just become "another day"? I think that's probably bad. Anyway, a couple of funny things. First, a true conversation I had earlier yesterday, and--I think--a wonderful little piece of irony. We, naturally, got a late call. A freaking mile from corporate, so no amount of trucks coming 10-8 could take it off our hands. Luckily, the people who found the patient noticed he was "stiff", so we figured at least we wouldn't be walking into a full cardiac arrest...

Me? I did nothing for the Fourth. It was excellent. I hope your's was too. This is going to be long. But, I guess I have a lot of nonsense built up. So, hang in there. There hasn't been A LOT going on in my life recently. Work, work, work, work, etc. And more work tomorrow!!! I need the money, the experience, the money. So, I work. But, today! I am not working. Today, I am sitting at Starbucks in Utica Square enjoying a frivolous latte and poking at the New York Times. It's supposed to be relaxing and easy and fun, but really, I am wondering when I am going to get bored. Thanks to the blogs of other, more interesting people, I haven't become bored yet, but I can feel it creeping in. Yesterday, I sat and I watched an entire thirteen episode season of Drop Dead Diva. Why this show, I don't know. I went in looking for last season of Rookie Blue (Rookie Blue, I love you!!!), but Target couldn't be bothered to carry it, so I looked around for alternatives an...