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It's the Words That Throw Me

I think I am going to start writing again. Not blogging or journaling (as if I do that on a regular basis. Ha), but actually writing. You know, stories and stuff. Like I used to. Or, really, like I used to want to but never had the motivation/courage/follow through to actually do.
For a while there, I was going to be a writer, you know. In fact, I have pretty much intended to be published and selling since I was six. You can see how well that turned out. Luckily there is the wonderful internet, on which I post my drivel for all five of you to read. (Thanks for that, by the way.)
Back in the day, I had a whole anthology of short stories planned out. I still have all the work I did on them and all the ideas still swim in my head every so often, reminding me that I do think of some possibly cool things every now and then. Reminding me that I used to believe I was a good writer, even though I am probably just mediocre. Now, I pretty much just write because I never wanted to get out of the habit. In the meantime, I've gotten out of the habit.
I don't write fiction anymore. I had an idea for a story today and thought to myself, I used to write all the time, I used to love how the creative process made me feel, I used to be excited about putting pen to paper. Then I got bogged down with wanting to tell my own story--and finding out that I didn't have a whole lot of story to tell--and I lost my voice for fiction. But, an idea cropped into my head today while I was driving to Nancy's. An idea that sparked something in the corner of my mind and brought back all the old stories I was going to write and a whole slew of new ideas. And I started to feel that excitement again. But, as always, doubt crept in and I remembered that I never really considered myself that excellent of a writer. I know practice makes perfect, but you can't fix stupid and that is how I felt, trying to write about things I didn't know, trying to create realistic and entertaining dialog, trying to make it all sound eloquent while not being too stupidly straightforward with how I wrote my prose. And I worried that I would face all those same roadblocks. I know most of them were in my head, that I could do it if I pushed past and let myself do it, that nothing I put on paper is permanent, that I can always re-write. But, the doubt hangs over.
And so does the desire. It came back to me in such a flood it was overwhelming. I wanted to start right then, but didn't have the time. Tonight, sitting at home, the urge is stronger than ever and I want to try. Maybe if I can tap into some emotion, maybe if I can feel something real and work it into my writing, maybe if I can write about something I know...because, I haven't lived a whole lot and I haven't seen very much, but I have felt longing, I have felt desperation, I have felt guilt and fear and worry and I can write about those things. I have never had much luck in the past, bringing in my own feelings when I have written fiction. I have always thought it read so flat, no matter what I was feeling when I wrote it. But, I don't want to turn my back once and for-all on something I loved so much for so long. So, I think to myself, I have to try. It certainly can't hurt to try. And maybe this time I can.
Maybe this time I will feel it, and then I can write it, and then you can feel it too.
And, sure, if you want me to, I will post it here. Actually, I was going to do that anyway, you needn't ask.
All five of you. ;)

I Won't Abandon My Foolish Notion, It's Too Much Fun

Comments

  1. Kristin GFriday, 23 March, 2012

    I know exactly how you feel. I used to write all the time but life got in the way. You should definitely write again. And even if its just for the five (or am I #6?) of us, at least you've got an audience!

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    Replies
    1. Skeleton_FriendFriday, 23 March, 2012

      Too true. And I really miss it. As soon as I have enough of one to share, I will post. Then the six of you can tell me how brilliant I am. What else are you guys good for?
      ;)
      Thanks for reading, lady. I appreciate my audience, no matter how small, very much. I know all of you probably have better things you could be doing than reading my posts. Thanks for wasting time with me. :D
      Also, you should totally start writing. Do something like this silly little blog. Write about your life and your girls, even if they are just little posts or you can only manage once in a while. You too might find you've got an unexpected audience. You could count me in. <3

      Delete

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